So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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