hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
