I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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