U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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