Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
