I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you never un-have a 4some
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
