Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
