just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
