How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
