the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
