they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
