I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
