I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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