just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
