epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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