I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
