When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
