My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
