i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
