i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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