I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
