And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
