Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
