Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
