My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
