u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
