just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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