some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
