What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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