Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
