its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
