All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
