Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we made out on top of his cat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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