I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
