So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
