Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
