mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
