just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
