3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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