Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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