Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
