I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
