I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
