The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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