I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
