Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
