i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
