The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just pee around me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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