he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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