booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
