I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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