I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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