I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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