Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
