If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
